Her Look
by Johanna-002
Summary: Request from nnicholsnlyonne. "I inhaled deeply and tried to check myself. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't pounce on her. Seeing her though, made things a lot less scary." Nichorello.


**Title:** Her Look

 **Summary:** Request from nnicholsnlyonne. "I inhaled deeply and tried to check myself. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't pounce on her. Seeing her though, made things a lot less scary." Nichorello.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own OITNB or any of its characters. They belong to Jenji Kohen, I do however own my writing, please don't steal- Johanna002©

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 _A/N: Request from nnicholsnlyonne. Nichorello based._

Walking back on to campus had proven to be the most challenging thing I had ever done. Spending three months in max had deciphered who I was- I was not the same. I had barley been holding on to the shell of who I had been, when Luschek had shown up and re-striped me of what little dignity I had left. He stole the only piece of me there was.

I cracked and I crumbled. I succumbed to myself and gave in to the temptation I had been able to ward off for three years. Luschek showing up had reopened the old wounds I had vowed to never allow myself to wallow in.

The sight of him sitting on the other side of the glass, so embarrassed and uncomfortable, had done nothing to ease the sudden anger I had felt consume me. He had simply wanted to talk to me- apologize for everything that had happened- I couldn't.

" _I have no family, ugh" My voice broke and I couldn't help the sob that followed,_ _"I am completely alone."_

Sighing, I trailed along the hallways, reacquainting myself with the old walls that I refused to admit I had missed. Some people stared, and whispered, but I had hardly noticed. I only had one thing- person- on my mind.

Turning the corner, that's when I saw her- Lorna Morello. She was leaning against the wall, phone to her ear as she played with the wire. She looked so beautiful, giggling softly at whatever she had just been told. My eyes raked over her and I felt a surge, a need, ignite deep within my core.

I inhaled deeply and tried to check myself. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't pounce on her. Seeing her though, made things a lot less scary. So many reunions I had feared, like the one I would ultimately have to have with Red. Shaking my head I tried to rid myself of the twisting and tightening in my stomach. No matter if Red shunned me, and I was out of the family, I knew I would always have Lorna.

She loved me.

"Hey, Doll," I was so sure that my tone was shaky and uncertain.

She turned, screeching loudly as soon as she realized it was me. "Nichols!" She slammed the phone back onto the receiver and jumped into my arms. Her arms were around my neck, squeezing as tightly as she could. I returned the hug with as much passion, bringing her body up off the ground and spinning her.

"Hey, kid," I whispered huskily, my eyes squeezed shut tightly.

Morello was in tears, and she sniffled against my ear as her grip on me tightened even more. "Oh, I missed you!" She whispered.

I felt a soft kiss to my head and I smiled. I willed myself not to cry. "I missed you too."

With her arms around me it had felt as if I had found the safe haven I had been longing for. It was real- I was back. In this moment I had forgotten about my horrible experience in max and I had forgotten the fact I threw away three years of sobriety. In this moment in time, none of it mattered. I had Lorna; I was home.

I hadn't noticed it at first- that anything was wrong. I had simply thought she had just been so glad to see me.

Lorna clung to me like Velcro and I enjoyed it. I relished in the way she and Red were falling over themselves to make me feel welcomed and loved. It was all I had ever hoped for. It made my heart jump for joy, and then I would remember what I did- that I had broken my sobriety- and I would feel overcome with this feeling of complete and utter disappointment. At some point, they were going to find out.

"Nicky,"

I turned my head at the sound of my name being called, and at the beautiful smile I encountered, my heart swooned. Tonight was no time to think about the disappointment I would bring to everyone. It was my 'Welcome back' party; I should be enjoying myself.

"Nicky," Lorna tugged on my hand, her brown eyes blinking wildly at me, "Dance with me!"

I was on the cusp of giving into her, and giving into myself when I saw Angie. I turned my head, in shame and mumbled, "Just give me one second, all right? I'll be right back." I pushed by her and walked the journey I know I shouldn't have.

Angie and I had a quick stroll; walking out, handling business and then walking back in. My dirty little secret, my very deadly sin, was tucked securely in the breast pocket of my top. Little did I know Lorna's own secret was tumbling in her brain and testing her strength; nearly pushing her over the edge.

"Kid," I called, I wrapped my arms around her from behind. "Still want to dance?"

She smiled at me, but her smile didn't reach her eyes- it looked forced. We hardly spoke as we moved together fluidly to the music. She and I had always been in sync; had always been able to read one another.

"What's wrong?" I asked

"Where are you?" She asked

We smiled at one another, having asked our questions at the exact same time.

I shook my head and forced a smile of my own. "This is surreal. I really missed you." It wasn't like me to be so open and honest, but I figured she deserved it. Soon, I would be nothing more than a disappointment. "I'm just… really glad to be with you."

She turned her head, but it was no use, I had already seen the tears welling up in her eyes. "It's nothing," She assured me, hand on my shoulder. "I just missed you so much."

I knew it was more than that by the way she threw herself into my arms and steered the conversation away from anything too heavy. The way she was clinging to me told me there was something bigger going on with her. My arms were around her in an instant and I shook my head. Something was going to change in our relationship. I could feel my stomach tighten in anticipation, and my heart skipped a beat. I wanted to savor this moment for as long as I could.

Night had fallen and we found ourselves alone in the bathroom. It was quick and it was sudden- it was also stupid. In a haze of need, I grabbed Lorna by the waist and had her pinned up against the wall of the shower stall we had so often favored.

My lips were on her in an instant, desperately conveying to her how much I fucking _needed_ her. My hands found the edge of the white towel she was wrapped in and I tugged at, it fell apart effortlessly and she was exposed to me in a second.

I was filled with so much need and want I didn't hear her telling me 'no' and I didn't feel her hands push me away from her. My mouth tore from hers and left a hot trail of kisses down her neck as I sucked her skin between my lips and gently bit her with my teeth.

Her breast had found its way to my right hand as my left hand traveled down the flat expanse of her abdomen, dipping between the hot depths between her thighs. I had just encountered her hot center, right hand squeezing her breast roughly.

"Nicky!" Lorna screamed, forcefully shoving me away. She scrambled to cover herself with the towel. Her breath was ragged and heavy as she looked at me with big scared eyes.

When shoved me, my back hit the wall. I grunted, "What the fuck?" I shook my head to dispel the sudden confusion, but to no avail I had no clue what I had done wrong. "Why the fuck did you do that?"

She began to cry, her shoulders shaking vigorously as she slid to the floor. My heart immediately broke at the way she looked at me, tired, sad- defeated. She was telling me what I didn't want to hear; what I did not want to acknowledge.

Her words had come out ragged and discombobulated- I had barley heard her. "We- I.. I can't…" She cried into the palm of her hands, and they muffled the secret she hadn't wanted me to learn. "I'm married."

I stared at her in disbelief before sinking down onto the grown. I felt sick. I shook my head in disbelief, and angrily wiped at the tears that had managed to fall.

The way she looked at me had said it all: We were over.


End file.
